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Helping men get Back on Track in Bristol, UK
CLARIFICATION
Boundaries are limits and expectations that individuals set for themselves and their interactions with others to protect their sobriety and well-being. They serve as a crucial tool for self-care, healthy relationships, and overall recovery success.
Substance misuse often leads to a blurring of boundaries, making it difficult to distinguish between one's own needs, the needs of others and the demands of the addiction itself. This blurred sense of self can significantly impact relationships.
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Acknowledging and respecting others people's boundaries demonstrates a commitment to personal growth and self-awareness, essential qualities for long-term recovery.
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We also encourage setting environmental boundaries, not only in an individual's personal living space but also in how they interact with their neighborhood and the natural world. This involves examining expectations and identifying areas for improvement in their environmental impact.​​
(Re)learning how to set boundaries is crucial for addiction recovery for several reasons:
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Self-Protection: Addiction often involves prioritizing the substance or behavior over one's own well-being and needs. Setting boundaries helps individuals protect themselves from relapse triggers, unhealthy relationships, and situations that could jeopardize their recovery.
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Self-Respect: Establishing boundaries empowers individuals to assert their needs and values. This fosters self-respect and a sense of control; reclaiming one's natural state means shedding unhealthy patterns, and fostering self-reliance and resilience
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Healthy Relationships: Clear boundaries facilitate healthier relationships with others. They help individuals communicate their needs and expectations effectively, leading to more respectful and supportive interactions.
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Self-Care: Setting boundaries allows individuals to prioritize self-care activities, such as attending recovery meetings, spending time with loved ones, hobbies and engaging with the natural world. This promotes overall well-being and reduces the risk of lapses or relapse.
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Empowerment: Learning to set boundaries is a powerful tool for personal growth and development. It empowers individuals to take charge of their lives and make choices that align with their values and goals. Similarly, rewilding empowers nature to heal and flourish on its own terms.
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Future Proofing: Through telling their truth(s) individuals can implement boundaries as a tool to protect themselves from potential repetition of previous negative experiences.
Tell Your Truth
I have seen miracles happen, when people just tell the truth.
Not the ‘nice’ truth.
Not the truth that seeks to please or comfort.
But the wild truth. The feral truth.
The inconvenient truth.
The tantric truth.
The ‘fucking’ truth.
The truth you’re afraid to tell.
The horrible truth about yourself
that you hide in order to ‘protect’ others.
To avoid being ‘too much’.
To avoid being shamed and rejected.
To avoid being seen.
The truth of your deepest feelings:
The rage you have been concealing, controlling, pasting over.
The terrors you do not want to speak.
The sexual urges you’ve been trying to numb.
The primal longings you cannot bear to articulate.
Finally, the defences break down,
and this ‘unsafe’ material emerges
from deep within the unconscious.
You can’t hold it back anymore.
The image of the ‘good boy’ or ‘nice girl’ evaporates.
The ‘perfect one’, the ‘one who has it all figured out’,
the 'evolved one', these images burn.
You tremble, you sweat, you come close to vomiting,
you think you might die doing it,
but finally you tell the fucking truth,
the truth you are deeply ashamed of.
Not the abstract truth. Not the ‘spiritual’ truth.
Not a carefully-worded truth designed to prevent offence.
Not a neatly-packaged truth.
But a messy, fiery, sloppy human truth.
A bloody, passionate, provocative, sensual,
untamed and unvarnished mortal truth.
A shaky, sticky, sweaty, vulnerable truth.
The truth of how you feel.
The truth that lets another person see you in the raw.
The truth that makes one gasp.
The truth that makes your heart pound.
This is the truth that will set you free.
I have seen chronic depressions and life-long anxieties lift overnight.
I have seen deeply embedded traumas evaporate.
I have seen fibromyalgia, migraines, chronic fatigue, unbearable back pain, bodily tension, stomach disorders, vanish, never to return.
Of course, the ‘side-effects’ of truth aren’t always this dramatic!
And we don’t step into our truth with a result in mind.
But think of the massive amounts of energy it must take
to repress our animal wildness,
numb our feral nature,
suppress our rage, tears and terror,
uphold a false image, and pretend to be ‘okay’.
Think of all the tension we hold in the body,
and the damage it does to our immune systems,
when we live in fear of 'coming out'.
Take the risk of telling your truth.
The truth you are afraid to tell.
The truth you fear will make the world run.
Find a safe person – a friend, a therapist, a counsellor, yourself –
and let them in.
Let them hold you as you break down.
Let them love on you
as you weep, rage, quake with fear,
and generally make a mess.
Tell your fucking truth to someone – it might just save your life, heal you from deep within, and connect you to humanity in ways you never imagined.